By: Joseph Maa
Today sucks. No two ways about it. For one, my second Reddit post ever got deleted. It was a breakdown of Bertrand Russell’s first chapter of: The Problems of Philosophy. Alas, I’ll never get to hear commentary on my analysis. My feeble attempts to write a critical philosophy analysis will never see the light of complex analysis and judgment by a more intellectual community.
Furthermore, I also received the email of rejection from The Suitcase Clinic today, a cool student organization that goes out of their way to assist the homeless in Berkeley. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a bit sad. One of the services they offer is feet washing. I think that’s one of the awesomest services ever. Perhaps my opportunity will come in the fall or the near future.
You might think where did his charisma go? I too, go soul searching for that style of application writing that makes people want to be interested in me and to be likewise inspired. Perhaps a poor choice of words or a disingenuously written answer was the application’s downfall, but I don’t really care about that. What really lies at the heart of the matter is that there’s a great program out there doing good work, except without me.
But to where do I go from here? If FOMO (fear of missing out) truly exists, then what I should currently be experiencing is fear, sadness, anger, or envy, or maybe some combination of them all. I won’t make claims towards being superhuman and dismiss those emotions out of hand because they do reside in my heart of hearts. (Hah! An Inheritance trilogy reference) The small spiteful soldier inside of me wants to go out and knock down the metaphorical villains that enjoy watching me writhe in discomfort. It is an unwholesome feeling, awash in all the wrong kinds of nightmare material.
It is the very opposite of what others deserve. It is this disgusting battle of emotion that carefully belies the ugly side of my human nature. It is my opinion that support, unconditional support, be given to those who have found success and happiness in their lives, such that I can live with a guilt-free mind. No amount of inner turmoil should manifest itself in the unhappiness that is the lament of human envy.
And through this article, I have found some semblance of peace, in a way that only writing provides. I am absolutely, wonderfully blessed with the opportunity to do good science, teach, and all the fantastic activities that this school has to offer. So to those who are reading this now or in the future, best of luck to your future endeavors, and keep on looking up!
p.s. This looser style of writing was inspired by the article: Knoxville: Summer of 1915, which was written in one sitting with minimal edits (Hi George!). I wanted to try to emulate that style of writing.